sometimes, there's a time when you feel like you're lost in this messy life. I am not sure about calling this life messy, some say everything in this life is beautiful,but again,i'm not sure about this either.About the past few days: i was right in the middle of a thick mist,that i got confused and irritated because i couldn't see through that mist. i got angry so often, hissing at everything in sight,my whole being was in that stupid frame. Of course, as usual i couldn't identify the reason behind my strange behavior immediately. Though i got only a slightest idea(shot by an arrow) i didn't think it was due to it. But yesterday when i was playing my piano(speaking heart to heart) the realization hit me. i fell in love with the stranger and this fact was eating up my mind subconsciously. i was so much delighted indeed right after i saw him at that moment, but the idea of ever letting my heart be trapped in the eyes of the stranger was unacceptable or seemed too unreal. I was happy at first because i thought this little temporary affection would warm my long-frozen heart. i was almost sure that this won't last any longer. Unusually, it lasted for whole 4 days and i couldn't stop seeing him in my night and day dreams. well, okay i was going to write about how i found myself. when i was speaking to my piano, i realized that i myself wanted so badly this first sight or whatever may people call "love". "people say love hurts, but i want to feel the depth of that hurt" i even wrote this sentence on my scrapfiles sometime before. it means i was hungering for love even if it is an unrequited love. But when i face it myself, i was ridiculously coward. I couldn't agree with that( with ever depending on someone stranger). Now I seem to agree,and it lightens everything in return: my vision that was blocked by that thick mist and my soul. i regained my energy and it helps me to be isolated, i have done the chores lightheartedly and without feeling lazy. I responded and reacted in the most appropriate way to what others say and do. This is a big plus:because if i want to live peacefully,not arguing with anybody is the best way. i woke up this morning without any difficulties at five o'clock, the dawn wasn't yet there, the sky had a strange mix of colours. maybe not strange, considering the fact that this was the first ever getting up early in a long time.I wanted to watch the movie "the Elizabeth" on tv that somehow i managed to get up. I planned to see the moment of darkness turning into a dawn's light(or the dawn Eos) .But i was so into the film that i missed it. Pity!though i still have many mornings ahead i wanted to see this particular morning's dawn, because it is unique and time stole it from me.
well, enough for now, for i got some errands to run now.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment